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Free Relationship Clarity Check

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Janis Abrahms Spring, Ph.D.Bestselling author of "After the Affair" and "How Can I Forgive You?"
Dr. Chalmer offers clear, compassionate guidance on how to heal from betrayal. I recommend this book to both hurt parties and those who want to help them heal.
Katrina BosAuthor of "Tantric Intimacy"
What a wonderful book! If you have ever felt betrayed in a relationship, Betrayal and Forgiveness is an important roadmap to being able to trust and love again. Through stories of betrayal in real-life people and couples, you will feel seen and understood. Then you will be taken on a journey of understanding, faith, and practical advice to find the most loving way forward. I loved Dr. Chalmer’s exploration of faith as part of the healing process. And I was dying to find out what happened to the couples. I’m so glad he told us!
MB CaschettaAuthor of "A Cheerleader's Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment"
A guiding light for the betrayed, Dr. Bruce Chalmer's wise and compassionate book escorts you on a courageous journey toward understanding and forgiving others and yourself, after even the most devastating upheavals.
Jane Kast, M.A.Psychologist
Whether you’re a client or a clinician, Dr. Bruce Chalmer’s latest book Betrayal and Forgiveness offers spectacular insight into the rich landscape of couples therapy. I highly recommend Betrayal and Forgiveness for clinicians and clients alike.
Karin Calde, Ph.D., CPCRelationship Coach and host of podcast "Love is Us"
Bravo! "Betrayal and Forgiveness" is a clear, easy to read, and relatable book for anyone struggling with these topics. It gives clear guidance to those who have been stung by betrayal, those who have betrayed, and the therapists and coaches who work with them. I highly recommend this book to anyone seeking to understand how to navigate the aftermath of betrayal and for those who yearn to heal.
Dr. Deborah S. MillerAuthor of "More Than Sorry: 5 Steps to Deepen Your Apology After You Have Committed Infidelity"
“Forgiveness is an inside job” is a powerful and necessary concept Dr. Chalmer motivates the reader to embrace.

How do you move on from betrayal? 

Why does betrayal hurt so much? Is it possible to forgive someone who betrayed you? How do you decide what to do about restoring the relationship you had with the person who betrayed you?

Dr. Bruce Chalmer’s Betrayal and Forgiveness will help you answer these questions and more.

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Peggy SaxPsychologist, Executive Director of Re-Authoring Teaching
Reading this book is like breathing fresh Vermont air-refreshing, inspiring, down-to-earth, and filled with grounded wisdom that emerges from decades of practice as a therapist with hundreds of couples. Dr. Chalmer gives a message of hope infused with principles and skills for long-term relationships to survive and thrive in the 21st century. Seven easy-to-remember words guide his approach: "Be kind, don't panic, and have faith." Throughout, Dr. Chalmer tells composite stories from real-life couples in his practice and then reinforces themes with reflective questions at the end of each chapter. I am especially inspired by his willingness to bring spiritual lives--religious and nonreligious-into the conversation, exploring with couples what matters most to each of them, while dealing with life's inevitable uncertainties and struggles.
Roxy
RoxyAmazon review
Happily married for 13 years, I wasn't sure what this book would offer to me and my spouse. As it turns out, quite a bit! I came to realize how easy it is to fall into complacency and "relationship laziness" to avoid conflict, and how that can lead to stagnation. Through the examples of many couples he has counseled, Dr. Chalmer explores constructive methods of resolving disagreements and enhancing communication. This book is not just for people in troubled situations, but for anyone who is seeking a higher level of satisfaction with their partner.
Jennifer A. Schwartz
Jennifer A. SchwartzAmazon review
“Be Kind, Don’t Panic, and Have Faith.” This is the simple seven-word formula used by Dr. Bruce Chalmer in his work as a couples’ therapist. Spoiler alert: it really does take the whole book to examine what this truly means, but it’s a worthwhile examination that will have you looking at any issues you are facing in your relationship in new ways. In Reigniting the Spark, Chalmer uses clear examples of struggles that couples face – such as infidelity, loss of intimacy, and problems in their sex lives – to illuminate the ways in which our desire for stability and our desire for intimacy are at odds with each other. We want to have relationships that we can depend on, but we also want the excitement and anxiety produced by intimacy. While this could be a recipe for disaster, he outlines the ways that healthy couples can balance these two extremes in satisfying ways.
KathleenAmazon review
I enjoyed reading and learned more from this book than I expected to. The format and structure of the book makes it easy to pick up and put down. Some chapters evoke reflection and discussion introducing aspects of a relationship that are rarely examined. Some spouses assume that if the other partner communicated better, the marriage will be better. Will this book solve all of your intimacy issues? Probably not, however, you will find comfort in the fact that many couples are just like you and this book will provide discussion points to reclaim and improve on your relationship. This book will make a great Book Club Book pick, many discussion points and relatable at any age and years married. Definitely a recommended read!
Kissablysweet1Amazon review
This is a guide to help couples who may feel as though the fire is gone. They feel their relationship needs a punch. " Be kind, don't panic and have faith". You probably know what needs to be fixed, this book will help you along the way and keep you motivated. Both of you need to work on the relationship issues. One person can't fix it. Well written in simple terms, this book is a winner. I love that it doesn't do the work for you. Both parties were working together but separately when things began to break down. This wonderful guide will give you the tools to fix the issues. I think it's lovely that Dr. Chalmer shared this toolbox with the world. It's truly needed. Perhaps it will save many couples now that it's available. Get your Copy!
Rabbi David EdlesonTemple Sinai, Vermont
I learned so much from this book that I can use in counseling couples, a significant part of my work as a rabbi. Far from being simplistic or reductionist, this book brings a complex and multi-faceted approach to how choice, kindness, and faith can help heal relationships and bring greater meaning and vitality to life. Dr. Chalmer is refreshing in his focus on character, the habits of kindness, and the disciplines of stability, rather than focusing solely on feelings as so many other books have. Whether you're a believer or agnostic, this book will help clinicians and clients alike consider deeply how faith, something so often overlooked in session, can be effectively integrated into an effective approach to healing relationships.
Debbie HauptThe Reading Frenzy
Dr. Chalmer’s book, Reigniting The Spark focuses on couples in some really unique and refreshing ways and his mantra is a seven-word phrase that he uses with all of his couples “Be Kind Don’t Panic and Have Faith”. In his over thirty years in practice Dr. Chalmer has helped numerous couples and over those decades those couples and their problems helped him create his seven-word formula. Throughout the book Dr. Chalmer gives his readers advice on how to improve their relationships he uses composite couples that he’s helped over the years. In each chapter he covers a specific issue and demonstrates through his couples what to do and what not to do implementing his principles....Whether or not you need guidance or counseling, whether or not your part of an opposite sex or same sex relationship Dr. Chalmer’s book has something for everyone.
Diane C. AcostaReviewer
In a very important part of the book, Dr. Chalmer mentions a word that I did not think a couples therapist could mention: FAITH. And the explanation given about it in this book is so interesting, so (at least to me) new, which is precisely why I recommend that everyone read this book.
janandheather.comReviewer
This book is concise,…but it is so well written that it feels like we are sitting in his office or laying on his couch, talking about what we want and asking how we can get there. He shows us how to lay a foundation for intimacy and trust that will connect us to our partner for years to come. He also makes us take a look at all the reasons we should and shouldn’t get married. And if you’re already embroiled with a cheater? Well, he shows us how to navigate that situation too, and decide whether or not a fractured relationship is worth salvaging or whether we should simply walk away.
carijehlik.comReviewer
I was hooked on this book from the very first sample I read of it. I appreciated that [Dr. Chalmer] doesn’t shy away from difficult topics like sex, trauma, and anxiety in relationships and that he acknowledges the difficulties those situations present in maintaining relationships. I’ve even recommended this book to someone for precisely that reason.... I really appreciated this book and am even implementing a few things into my own marriage. I give Reigniting the Spark five stars.

Create a Relationship that Lasts

Dr. Bruce Chalmer’s Reigniting the Spark shows you how to build a lasting relationship full of passion and fulfillment.  Dr. Chalmer shows you how you can restore intimacy and overcome relationship problems to create and maintain a lively, loving, lasting relationship.

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Front cover of "It's Not About Communication!"
Leanne AbrahamExecutive and Team Coach
I recently bought your books. I am an executive and team coach in the corporate world and really appreciate your 7 words – I give you full credit (hopefully my corporate folks turn to you for some marriage support) for the seven words and link it to the Issues Clearing model (from Non Violent communication) that I teach in my leadership training and coaching. I often add in Brene Brown’s Braving – another great acronym. I love your writing style – it is very warm and personal. I feel your character coming through in the words.
Dr. Alyson NerenbergAuthor, Psychologist
Compassionate and informative, along with using a bit of humor, Dr. Chalmer shares his wealth of knowledge that comes from years of treating couples. I recommend this book to both therapists and couples alike who are looking for a roadmap of the couples therapy process.
[Name redacted]Former client
Congrats Dr. Bruce on making the #1 bestseller list. I bought 20 copies of the book and gave it to everyone. [We] worked with you a few years ago. We moved to [redacted] and are loving it. You’ve been such a beautiful part of our journey. You deserve all the goodness and success the world has to offer.
Susan BrattonIntimacy Expert
If you’re stuck in your relationship this book may be the catalyst you need to have the relationship you want.
Jeremy ShermanAuthor
Unlike so much of the help on offer these days, Chalmer offers an engagingly and endearingly clear path to this way to feel at home in the universe. A breakthrough book for couples ready at long last to brave reality in all of its paradoxical splendor.
Dr. Paul FoxmanAuthor, Psychologist
Based on three key ideas and illustrated with case examples from clinical practice, Chalmer highlights the steps to lasting change. A worthy resource for both couples and therapists who want to be effective.
Jane KastPsychologist
Whether you are a client or a clinician, Dr. Bruce Chalmer’s latest book, It’s Not About Communication! offers spectacular insight into the often bumpy landscape of couples therapy. Dr. Chalmer invites the reader to consider the effects of believing in the wisdom of our clients and how this fosters a sense of hope and collaboration.
Nancy Walker, MFAReviewer
Dr. Chalmer has a unique and approachable way of getting his message across that I love. He gives a deeper understanding of the concept of communication by providing real-world examples, questions to give the reader a guided way to think about the material, and references for those who want to explore deeper. I love how Dr. Chalmer's humor makes what could be a hard to read topic enjoyable to discover. He parses out the ideas from the ideologies and helps the reader to see through common myths in communication. I enjoyed this book and look forward to reading his other works.
[Name redacted]Former client
Things that you said during our sessions still help me today. And I just downloaded the audio version of your book!

How do you feel about your relationship?

How’s your intimate life, emotionally, sexually, or otherwise? Are you feeling stuck? Hurt? Angry?

You’re not alone–and you’re not crazy! And there’s hope–you can feel better.

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Seven Words to Jump-Start Your Love Life: What You Need to Know About Relationships, in One Sentence

What happened to your love life?

Remember when you used to have a passionate, sexy relationship? How can you get it back?

In this short, easy-to-read book, Dr. Chalmer helps you understand what happened, and shows you how to begin the work of healing. A simple, seven-word sentence, encompassing three basic principles, will tell you what you need to do.

You still have to do the work! But this book will start you on your journey and guide you along the way.

 

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Available in paperback, as an eBook, and as an audiobook!

My Husband Complains About My Cleaning! What Do I Do?

Available in paperback, as an eBook, and as an audiobook!

My Husband Complains About My Cleaning! What Do I Do?

Is your husband (or boyfriend or fiancé) driving you nuts with his complaints about your cleaning?

Hundreds of people have found their way to a blog post on Dr. Chalmer’s website by searching for some variation on that theme. And they’re obviously not looking for cleaning tips. This is about relationship.

Dr. Chalmer offers a short, sassy, unvarnished view of just what is going on. This book shows you:

  • What’s the real problem? (Hint: It’s not your cleaning.)
  • What are you actually telling each other? (Hint: It’s a lot more than you probably realize.)
  • What are you missing in your relationship, and how do you get it?
  • How can you get your reluctant guy to try couples therapy?

There’s even a special chapter just for your husband.

Whether you read it yourself, with your partner, or as part of couples therapy, this book will set you on a path to healing.

 

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