#1 Bestseller in Couples & Family Therapy!

Frustrated in Your Relationship? This Book Will Give You Hope!

How do you feel about your relationship? How’s your intimate life, emotionally, sexually, or otherwise? Are you feeling stuck? Hurt? Angry?

You’re not alone–and you’re not crazy! And there’s hope–you can feel better.

Written in a relatable and sometimes irreverent style, It’s Not About Communication! will  help you understand the problems you’re having–and help you get on the path to solving them. Whether you’re in couples therapy, thinking about it, or want to solve your problems on your own, this book will give you hope, calm you down, and point you in the right direction.

Leanne Abraham
Leanne AbrahamExecutive and Team Coach
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I recently bought your books. I am an executive and team coach in the corporate world and really appreciate your 7 words – I give you full credit (hopefully my corporate folks turn to you for some marriage support) for the seven words and link it to the Issues Clearing model (from Non Violent communication) that I teach in my leadership training and coaching. I often add in Brene Brown’s Braving – another great acronym. I love your writing style – it is very warm and personal. I feel your character coming through in the words.
Dr. Alyson NerenbergAuthor, Psychologist
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Compassionate and informative, along with using a bit of humor, Dr. Chalmer shares his wealth of knowledge that comes from years of treating couples. I recommend this book to both therapists and couples alike who are looking for a roadmap of the couples therapy process.
[Name redacted]
[Name redacted]Former client
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Congrats Dr. Bruce on making the #1 bestseller list. I bought 20 copies of the book and gave it to everyone. [We] worked with you a few years ago. We moved to [redacted] and are loving it. You’ve been such a beautiful part of our journey. You deserve all the goodness and success the world has to offer.
Susan BrattonIntimacy Expert
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If you’re stuck in your relationship this book may be the catalyst you need to have the relationship you want.
Jeremy ShermanAuthor
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Unlike so much of the help on offer these days, Chalmer offers an engagingly and endearingly clear path to this way to feel at home in the universe. A breakthrough book for couples ready at long last to brave reality in all of its paradoxical splendor.
Dr. Paul FoxmanAuthor, Psychologist
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Based on three key ideas and illustrated with case examples from clinical practice, Chalmer highlights the steps to lasting change. A worthy resource for both couples and therapists who want to be effective.
Jane KastPsychologist
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Whether you are a client or a clinician, Dr. Bruce Chalmer’s latest book, It’s Not About Communication! offers spectacular insight into the often bumpy landscape of couples therapy. Dr. Chalmer invites the reader to consider the effects of believing in the wisdom of our clients and how this fosters a sense of hope and collaboration.
Nancy Walker, MFAReviewer
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Dr. Chalmer has a unique and approachable way of getting his message across that I love. He gives a deeper understanding of the concept of communication by providing real-world examples, questions to give the reader a guided way to think about the material, and references for those who want to explore deeper. I love how Dr. Chalmer's humor makes what could be a hard to read topic enjoyable to discover. He parses out the ideas from the ideologies and helps the reader to see through common myths in communication. I enjoyed this book and look forward to reading his other works.
[Name redacted]
[Name redacted]Former client
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Things that you said during our sessions still help me today. And I just downloaded the audio version of your book!
Kasia Brown, M.A., LCMHC
Kasia Brown, M.A., LCMHCPsychotherapist
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Congratulations! I am reading it now. I don't provide couples therapy, but I find it so helpful when discussing my clients' relationship challenges.

Why You Should Read It’s Not About Communication!

You don’t have to feel stuck!

You’ll learn:

  • Why practicing communication rules and techniques is wasting your time
  • How a simple seven-word formula can guide you toward healing, growth, and passionate connection
  • Why a mindset of faith—not necessarily religious—is the key to feeling better, getting unstuck, and finding hope
  • How to decide if your couples therapy is helping—and what to do if it isn’t
  • Why ideas open possibilities, and ideologies shut down possibilities—and why that’s important for couples therapy
  • Why your couples therapist’s advice is probably useless—and what you really need from your therapist
  • Why couples therapy is a lot like improv theater

Whether you’re looking to improve your own relationship, or helping others improve theirs, It’s Not About Communication! will guide and inspire you. Get your copy in paperback, eBook, or audiobook format today!

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Dr. Peggy SaxPsychologist, Author
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Reading this book is like breathing fresh Vermont air-–refreshing, inspiring, down-to-earth, and filled with grounded wisdom that emerges from decades of practice as a therapist with hundreds of couples.
Susan EpsteinRelationship Coach
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A beautifully written book with "calming" verbiage, which is so necessary when experiencing relationship issues. Excellent reading for practitioners who counsel couples and Dr. Chalmer's real life stories are practical launching pads which apply to all. I highly recommend this informative and useful book to lay people and professionals alike.
Jennifer A. Schwartz, LCSW-CCouples Therapist
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Reigniting the Spark is a wonderful exploration for any couple wanting to move out of stress and into trust, or from having a good relationship into having a great relationship. This book is for you if you want to create deeper connections with your partner while identifying what is getting in the way of joy and intimacy.
Diane C. AcostaReviewer
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In a very important part of the book, Dr. Chalmer mentions a word that I did not think a couples therapist could mention: FAITH. And the explanation given about it in this book is so interesting, so (at least to me) new, which is precisely why I recommend that everyone read this book.
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This book is concise,…but it is so well written that it feels like we are sitting in his office or laying on his couch, talking about what we want and asking how we can get there. He shows us how to lay a foundation for intimacy and trust that will connect us to our partner for years to come. He also makes us take a look at all the reasons we should and shouldn’t get married. And if you’re already embroiled with a cheater? Well, he shows us how to navigate that situation too, and decide whether or not a fractured relationship is worth salvaging or whether we should simply walk away.
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One of the author’s more intriguing insights in this book is the way that intimacy and stability are often in tension with each other, and that the lack of one tends to endanger the other in a relationship… This book is full of wise advice that may either help encourage people to change their behaviors without therapy, or help them into counseling that might help them to break some bad habits before it’s too late.
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I was hooked on this book from the very first sample I read of it. I appreciated that [Dr. Chalmer] doesn’t shy away from difficult topics like sex, trauma, and anxiety in relationships and that he acknowledges the difficulties those situations present in maintaining relationships. I’ve even recommended this book to someone for precisely that reason.... I really appreciated this book and am even implementing a few things into my own marriage. I give Reigniting the Spark five stars.

Create a Relationship That Lasts

Dr. Bruce Chalmer’s Reigniting the Spark shows couples how to build a lasting relationship full of passion and fulfillment.  Dr. Chalmer combines his expertise in research with thirty years of experience as a couples therapist to show how you can restore intimacy and overcome  relationship problems to create and maintain a lively, loving, lasting relationship.

He offers a unique perspective on the role of faith—not necessarily religious—in relationships. Whatever your faith background, religious or secular, Dr. Chalmer’s approach to faith as a key to unlocking intimacy will inform and inspire you.

This book explores the most common issues that sap the happiness out of a relationship and shows you what to do to turn it around. Written in a relatable and easy-to-understand style, Reigniting the Spark will help you better understand yourself and your partner so you can both be more satisfied. Whether you’re reading alone or with a partner, Reigniting the Spark will teach you:

  • How to build and restore intimacy, trust, and a deep connection in your relationship
  • How to identify triggering issues like trauma that could be sapping the joy out of your relationship, and what to do about it
  • A list of bad reasons people get married—and one good one
  • How to go from plain old sex, to good sex, to sacred sex
  • How to be your best self when your partner has been unfaithful
  • How to know when to break up, and when to work through the inevitable growing pains in your relationship

Reigniting the Spark is for any couple who’s ready to create a stronger, more fulfilling relationship. 

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Available in paperback, as an eBook, and as an audiobook!

Seven Words to Jump-Start Your Love Life: What You Need to Know About Relationships, in One Sentence

What happened to your love life?

Remember when you used to have a passionate, sexy relationship? How can you get it back?

In this short, easy-to-read book, Dr. Chalmer helps you understand what happened, and shows you how to begin the work of healing. A simple, seven-word sentence, encompassing three basic principles, will tell you what you need to do.

You still have to do the work! But this book will start you on your journey and guide you along the way.


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Available in paperback, as an eBook, and as an audiobook!

My Husband Complains About My Cleaning! What Do I Do?

Is your husband (or boyfriend or fiancé) driving you nuts with his complaints about your cleaning?

Hundreds of people have found their way to a blog post on Dr. Chalmer’s website by searching for some variation on that theme. And they’re obviously not looking for cleaning tips. This is about relationship.

Dr. Chalmer offers a short, sassy, unvarnished view of just what is going on. This book shows you:

  • What’s the real problem? (Hint: It’s not your cleaning.)
  • What are you actually telling each other? (Hint: It’s a lot more than you probably realize.)
  • What are you missing in your relationship, and how do you get it?
  • How can you get your reluctant guy to try couples therapy?

There’s even a special chapter just for your husband.

Whether you read it yourself, with your partner, or as part of couples therapy, this book will set you on a path to healing.


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