I help couples figure out what's going wrong—and what to do about it.
Maybe you keep having the same fights. Maybe you’ve stopped having sex, or you’ve become more like roommates than lovers. Maybe there’s been an affair, or one of you is thinking about leaving.
Maybe you’ve tried couples sessions before, and they didn’t help.
I’ve been working with couples for over thirty years. I don’t have a magic formula, and I won’t tell you that every relationship can—or should—be saved.
But I can help you understand what’s happening between you, what you might do differently, and how to figure out where to go from here.
Some of the reasons couples come to see me
- You feel disconnected—something is missing
- You’re having trouble in your sex life
- You’re dealing with infidelity or some other kind of betrayal
- Substance issues are affecting your relationship
- You’re having trouble with parenting, or dealing with in-laws or other family members
- You’re not sure whether to work on the relationship or call it quits and work on separating
What's different about how I work with you?
Like anyone who does this work, I have my favorite theories and techniques. In fact, in the first session I almost always tallk about something I call “the passion paradox” in our first session. It’s often a new and helpful way to understand what’s happening.
But here’s what you won’t get from me:
I won’t reduce you, or your relationship, to a label. I won’t insist that your attachment type, love languages, communication style, or any other theoretical construct defines who you are.
I’ll offer my own ideas freely, but I don’t pretend that I know better than you how you should live your life. (Spoiler alert: I don’t.)
I start with the assumption that both of you are essentially sane, intelligent, and decent. You’re in pain because you’re dealing with hard stuff, not because you’re incompetent. Often that recognition alone can help you calm down and offer a glimmer of hope.
And one other feature of how I work: I consider faith to be the key to healing. Not religious faith—though I am happy to talk about that—but faith as a mindset that life is right to be what it is, even when it’s hard.
What good couples sessions can give you is a solid dose of faith.
A free Relationship Clarity Check
Not sure what’s going wrong in your relationship?
I’ve put together a short exercise to help you think about two things that matter in every relationship: stability and intimacy.
It won’t tell you what to do, but it may help you see more clearly what’s happening between you.
Other resources I offer
Free articles and resources
Not ready for couples sessions? I’ve written articles and made videos about many of the problems couples face. You can explore them here.
Self-paced video courses
If you’d rather work on things on your own, my courses offer a structured way to get started, whether you’re working alone or together.
Our podcast
My wife Judy Alexander and I talk about relationships, often with guests who bring their own perspectives. We’ve been doing it for years, and we still find plenty to talk about.
My books
I’ve written four books about relationships, including communication, betrayal, and keeping intimacy and passion alive. They’re available in print, ebook, and audio.
About Dr. Chalmer
DR. BRUCE CHALMER
I’ve been a psychologist for over thirty years, and most of my work has been with couples.
One thing I’ve learned is that couples can get into painful trouble even when they love each other and genuinely want things to get better. And trying harder to communicate doesn’t necessarily solve the problem.
My work is about helping people understand what’s happening between them, why they keep getting stuck, and what they can do about it.
I’ve written four books, developed video courses, and host a podcast with my wife, Judy Alexander. All of those grew out of the same ideas I’ve developed in my work with couples.
