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Active, Respectful, Collaborative Help for Couples

Resolve your relationship issues and deepen your connection in a supportive and safe space.

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Dr. Bruce Chalmer
Help for Couples

Dr. Chalmer specializes in working with couples. He brings to this work a wide-ranging curiosity and intelligence, an ability to connect with people, and a passion for helping people live happier, healthier lives. 

Learn more about couples sessions with Dr. Chalmer here.

learn more about Dr. Chalmer's books

What Do We Talk About In Couples Sessions?

Whatever issues you may bring to therapy, be it infidelity, sexual issues, parenting concerns, or any other kind of relationship problem, Dr. Chalmer will help the two of you get past blame and find healing.

Check out Dr. Chalmer’s books, podcast, videos, and blog to learn more about how he works with you about a wide range of issues, including sex (and how to go from plain old sex to good sex to sacred sex), marriage, faith, cheating and healing from affairs, forgiveness, communication, aging, cross-dressing, porn, and many more topics.

LEARN MORE ABOUT COUPLES SESSIONS
Betrayal isn’t just when someone hurts you. Betrayal is when someone important in your life hurts you when you assumed they would never hurt you that way. It’s a double-whammy: Not only are you hurt by what they did, but you’re also forced to question your own judgment. “I thought I knew you—who are you? And what other horrible surprises will happen next?”
from Dr. Chalmer's bookBetrayal and Forgiveness
Erotic charge is not just when you’re having sex. It’s like, when you’re doing the dishes, and there’s this little sense there that any moment you could just fall into each other’s arms, and you just don’t happen to be doing that at the moment. The attraction is there—it’s almost palpable.
From Our Podcast“Plugging in the Erotic Charge”
What stable couples tend to do is avoid rocking the boat, because stability is important, and anxiety is a miserable feeling. But intimacy often requires raising anxiety. And thus begins what I’ve called the death spiral for passion in a couple: to avoid threatening stability, they stop risking intimacy.
From Dr. Chalmer's BookIt's Not About Communication
How you’re communicating is a consequence of what you’re communicating, and that’s a function of a lot more than just communication.
From Dr. Chalmer's BookIt's Not About Communication
Trying to follow communication rules when you’re not doing well won’t make you do well. In fact, when a couple isn’t doing well, they find it impossible to follow the rules. By way of analogy, ever notice how Rafael Nadal grunts loudly whenever he hits the tennis ball? Guess what? Grunting when you hit the ball won’t make you play like Rafa.
From Dr. Chalmer's BookIt's Not About Communication
A lack of intimacy becomes destabilizing. If stability provides the roots for a relationship, intimacy provides the energy for growth.
From Dr. Chalmer's BookReigniting the Spark
Symptoms of a relationship deprived of intimacy can include affairs, sudden departures, depression in one or both parties, substance abuse, seemingly pointless arguments, and general relationship malaise.
From Dr. Chalmer's BookIt's Not About Communication

Featured Podcasts

Anatomy of Desire: An Interview with Dr. Emily Jamea

May 9, 2025

https://youtu.be/xdj2wGUcw50 If you’re having trouble with sex in your relationship, you might want to consult a sex therapist, and our guest today, Dr. Emily Jamea, is precisely that. But what if it’s not about problems—what if what you want is to get past “good-enough” sex to levels you’ve only dreamed about? Well, Emily is all

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Charity Sinclair

We’re All Dating the Same Guy: An Interview with Charity Sinclair

May 2, 2025

https://youtu.be/9yl85OCsh9o As our guest in this episode, Charity Sinclair, puts it, “I’ve been on a lot of shit dates. No, really—literally shit dates.” Dates, she means, in which the guy was carrying around a stool sample. Or was carrying around dog shit. And, she says, she’d take a shit date over a toxic date any

Read More »
Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin

The Marriage Restoration Project: An Interview with Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin

April 18, 2025

https://youtu.be/vKmZO_pGIzU Can a couple who have fallen out of love regain their passion for each other? What is Imago Relationship Therapy, and how can it help? Our guest in this episode, Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin, is the founder of the Marriage Restoration Project, which offers intensive retreats, group workshops, and online courses. Rabbi Slatkin’s website is

Read More »
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