About My Work
I’m Dr. Bruce Chalmer.
For decades, I’ve worked with couples who care deeply about each other and feel caught between wanting stability and wanting intimacy.
My work isn’t about telling you what to do. It’s about helping you slow down enough to understand what’s really happening — and to make decisions you can stand behind.
How I Came to this Work
Early in my career, I became interested in a recurring pattern: couples would come in asking whether they should stay together — but what they were really struggling with was something deeper.
They were caught between the desire for closeness and the fear of losing themselves.
Over time, I developed a framework for understanding that tension — what I later called The Passion Paradox — and I’ve spent years refining how to help couples work through it thoughtfully rather than reactively.
What I Believe
You’re the expert on your own life, even when you’re uncertain or in pain.
Clarity matters more than quick reassurance.
Stability and intimacy are both essential — and often in tension with each other.
Good decisions are rarely made in panic.
You don’t need someone to fix your relationship; you need help understanding it.
The goal of this work is not a particular outcome. The goal is clarity.
Background
I hold a Ph.D. in Psychology from the University of Vermont.
I’ve been working with couples in private practice for over 30 years.
I’m the author of four books: The Passion Paradox, Betrayal and Forgiveness, It’s Not About Communication and Reigniting the Spark.
Together with my wife Judy Alexander, I host the podcast “Couples Therapy in Seven Words.”
My practice is conducted entirely by secure telehealth.
I’m licensed as a Psychologist-Doctorate in Vermont and Florida. I offer coaching services elsewhere. Florida residents can find additional information here.
My other interests include musical composition, choral singing and directing, and active roles in my Jewish community.
I’ve also been interviewed on a number of podcasts and other media. Links to those conversations are available on the Media Appearances page.
If This Approach Makes Sense to You
You can begin with a self-paced video course if you’d like time to get oriented.
Or we can work together directly in couples sessions.
If you’re unsure which makes more sense, the Start Here page can help you decide. Or feel free to contact me directly.
